We know that holidays are a time where screen usage can increase as a replacement for the structure of school. This example of a client seeking help for her child’s gaming demonstrates how a Child in Time family therapists can provide support and strategies to help.
Lauren contacted Child in Time seeking support with her son Arthur (13) whose screen time use was becoming unmanageable. She was matched with a Child in Time family specialist, Vicky, for two, hour long online parent consultations.
The Concern
Lauren shared that Arthur was spending 5-7 hours a day playing video games and this was affecting his sleep and causing family conflict. When Lauren tried to limit screen time Arthur would shout, withdraw or simply refuse. It felt like there was a communication break down and Lauren worried about Arthur’s relationships, learning and his mental health.
Therapist Feedback
Vicky listened and validated Lauren’s feelings of worry and frustration. She wondered if this was not just about screens but also about control and connection. She felt that Arthur might be using screens to connect socially and regulate stress. Lauren’s reactive response might be making Arthur feel more alienated as well as anxious about the removal of this support mechanism. Any approach needed to be consistent, collaborative and presented alongside an understanding of Arthur’s needs.
Parenting Strategies
Vicky suggested Lauren start by seeing if she could join Arthur in his games in order to build connection. Following this Arthur might be open to discussing what gaming means to him and what he feels are fair limits. A screen time agreement could then be made – including screen-free times (eg. dinner and bedtime) and maximum daily usage.
Alongside these measures it seemed important to introduce healthy alternative activities like joining a club, family outings or watching films/playing board games together.
A collaborative approach was taken for when Arthur deviated from the plan with agreed consequences on future days and Lauren and Arthur agreeing an acceptable point to turn off games if Arthur was mid-session.
Vicky warned that reducing screen time may lead to withdrawal symptoms of anger and restlessness as Arthur adjusts to a lower stimulation lifestyle, as when parents take away screens, the child can experience a drop in their dopamine levels, and this withdrawal can feel painful.
Finally Lauren looked at the screen usage of the adults in the family to ensure that healthy habits were being modelled for Arthur.
If you are a parent or carer in need of support with concerns of screen time, our online therapists are here to help with the advice and tools you need. Book an Online Parent Consultation or get in touch with Chloe for more information.
