Fatherhood has changed.
The dad of 20 years ago was often imagined as the provider: going to work, coming home, playing with the children and perhaps taking over at the weekend. Today, that picture feels increasingly outdated.
Fathers are expected to be present from the beginning. To attend appointments, be at the birth, take parental leave, do the school run, know what their children are learning, make dinner, manage bedtime and be emotionally available when things are difficult.
It is a positive shift. Children benefit from having fathers who are actively involved in their everyday lives. But perhaps we haven’t fully considered what a seismic change this is, particularly for men who didn’t have a role model for this kind of fatherhood.
The Changing Expectations of Fatherhood
Whilst expectations placed on men have changed dramatically, some of the old expectations haven’t completely disappeared. In some cases, fathers may now be expected to be hands-on, emotionally attuned parents while still feeling responsible for being the financial provider. They can find themselves caught between two very different versions of masculinity – the traditional expectation to be strong and self-reliant, and the newer expectation to be emotionally open and deeply involved.
And there is no instruction manual for navigating the gap between the two.
The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) has highlighted the emotional pressures of parenting through its Parenting Grind campaign. Its research found that 71% of parents have felt overwhelmed by the emotional reality of becoming a parent.
Why Fathers Find It Difficult to Ask for Help
‘BACP’s 2026 research found that 70% of men would only consider therapy once they had reached breaking point.‘
– The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy
For fathers, there can be an additional difficulty: admitting that fatherhood is hard can feel strangely uncomfortable.
BACP’s wider 2026 research found that 70% of men would only consider therapy once they had reached breaking point. This matters because struggling does not necessarily look like a crisis. Sometimes it looks like irritability, withdrawing from family life, working longer hours, drinking more, feeling constantly under pressure, or simply feeling that you are failing at something you thought you should know how to do.
Meanwhile, mothers are often carrying their own enormous load. The answer isn’t to compare whose role is harder. It is to recognise that modern parenthood asks a great deal from both parents, and that fathers need support too. Looking after our own mental health as parents is an important part of supporting our children’s wellbeing.
Perhaps we need to make it easier for men to say: “I’m finding this difficult.” Not because they are failing as fathers, but because they care enough about their families to recognise when they need some help.
There are also organisations working to break down the barriers that prevent men from seeking support. HeadsUpGuys offers practical mental health resources, advice and personal stories, while Enough Now is another website men can explore for support.
Recognising when things feel difficult, talking openly and asking for help should be seen as part of being a good father, not a sign of weakness.
At Child in Time, we believe that supporting parents is an important part of supporting children. Fathers don’t have to wait until they are at breaking point before talking to someone. Our online parent consultations offer a supportive, non-judgemental space to talk through the challenges of parenting, explore what’s happening beneath the pressure and find ways to move forward with greater confidence.
Being a good father doesn’t mean having everything under control.
It means being willing to be there – for your children, and for yourself.
